AkaвЂњthis sandwich wonвЂ™t bite, I promiseвЂќ guy, aka wait, is he going to cook this kitty cat?вЂ”may or may not be dating star of such Certified Fresh movies as Chef and Topher Grace-masterwork, In Good Company: the one, the only, the Scarlett Johansson about a week ago, news broke that Bobby FlayвЂ”aka hamburgler fuccboi.
Scarlett Johansson is 32-years-old, and perhaps perhaps one of the most stunning females on the earth. SheвЂ™s additionally a fabulous actress, plus one of the most extremely bankable movie stars in Hollywood. Her in Translation? Unbelievable. Her neuroticism that is free-spirited in Christina Barcelona and Match aim? First class. And HeвЂ™s Simply Not That Towards You. Which was a film which was made as soon as.
Bobby Flay, having said that, is 52. HeвЂ™s a Food System star. And their title seems like the version that is generic of title that gets offered at Walgreens for half the purchase price.
The math was done by me. IT DOESNвЂ™T ADD UP. (I ALSO DONвЂ™T KNOW JUST HOW TO DO MATH!)
Thus I asked myself an extremely question that is simple asked myself for completely different purposes nearly every early early morning since November:
Just just exactly How did we arrive here? And much more especially: if they’re certainly datingвЂ”which, who knowsвЂ”how did Scar Jo arrive here?
Below, IвЂ™ve compiled an incomplete listing of Scarlett JohanssonвЂ™s paramours, in approximately chronological purchase. This can assist us get yourself a better image of whatвЂ™s going on here.
2002Scarlett Johansson dated Fun. guitar player, Bleachers man and time that is otherwise big producer Jack Antonoff for 2 years in twelfth grade, during the expert ChildrenвЂ™s class (listed here is a image for the valedictorian).
2004AScarlett Johansson ended up being romantically connected to Jude that is 31-year-old Law then 12 years her senior. She additionally had intercourse with Benicio del Toro in an elevator during the Chateau Marmont, that is precisely the kind of thing individuals whoвЂ™ve never gone to the Chateau Marmont (me) would expect you’ll happen at the Chateau Marmont. She ended up being apparently seeing Patrick Wilson, too. There clearly was a pattern right here: older dudes.
2005-2007Johansson dates Josh that is perma-teen-hearthrob Hartnett couple of years. ItвЂ™s her first relationship that is real Antonoff in вЂ02.
2008-2011Our woman goes directly from Hartnett to Ryan Reynolds, who she marries. ItвЂ™s a pretty move taste-wise that is lateral.
2011Scarlett gets divorced and would go to Mexico with Sean Penn.
2012Scarlett begins Nate that is dating Naylor a nyc advertisement exec whom, relating to people who understand him, has an eye fixed for risquГ© art and appears like Morrissey in the prime. ThatвЂ™s praise that is high a normal person to get. For contextualization sake, IвЂ™ve just ever been when compared with Matthew Perry, but less during their prime, and much more during the years he had been coked down on Friends.
2012-2016Scarlett times, then marries, then divorces journalist/editor that is french Dauriac.
2017Scarlett had been connected to SNL Weekend modify co-host Colin Jost as belated as might, which everybody else type of universally agrees to become a huge victory for Colin Jost. And from now on, finally, it might be Flay’s change.
Okay, time and energy to come back to our question that is original did we arrive here?
Well, after meticulously Homeland-ing my whole room with images and newsprint clippings and different-colored yarnsвЂ”i got myself the spools during the Yarn shop, it is a placeвЂ”we arrived up with all the after explanation. IвЂ™ve used dashes to separate your lives the points, to help you carry on with.
-2002 to approximately 2005 we could essentially discount because of Scarlett Johansson being a newly famous starlet that is 19-year-old Hollywood. It had been, as individuals state, a stage. Completely behavior that is understandable. Particularly doing del Toro in a elevator. It was basically a rite of passage to have sex with del Toro in a hotel lift if you were a starlet between the ages of 19-24 between 2003-2006.* I am talking about, you dudes have seen 21 Grams, right?
*Backed up by zero proof.
-2005 to 2011 is just about the вЂњOh wait we can essentially date any guy i would likeвЂќ stage. We have Hartnett. We have Reynolds. Two severe relationships with two really typically good-looking dudes.
-2011 (cont.): Classic rebound situation, going from an individual who smiles on a regular basis (Reynolds) to somebody whoever face is kind of stuck in a permanent snarl (PennвЂ™s face).
-2012 to 2016 discovers Scarlett with two good-looking guys that are successfulNaylor and Dauriac) that are nevertheless maybe perhaps not part of the Hollywood elite. After dating actors for way too long, that is a reasonable departure. Plus, hot execs that are creative the actors of normal individuals.
-Post-divorce, 2017 is probably ScarlettвЂ™s many interesting 12 months to date. Jost is type of a throwback towards the clean-cut actors that are reynolds-esque. And Flay is like the consequence of a) returning to her 19-year-old older-guy-phase; and b) starring in Chef in 2014. Her toggling between your two is unique, yet also predictable: sheвЂ™s been toggling from a Jost and a Flay in one single method or another her whole life that is dating.
For whatever reason, IвЂ™m 76% yes sheвЂ™ll date Anthony Bourdain next.
Sam Eichner likes literary works, truth tv and their cats that are twin. He’s got consistently been told he needs a shave since he started growing hair that is facial.